Inglorious Magniloquence

Stupid people trying to sound smart, have found themselves at the top of my"I Fucking Hate You, and You Need To Shut Up Now" list.....

Well Al, you might be saying to yourself. I think I might agree, as there is a large portion of society that i would like to rape with a serated blade dipped in Aids, so tell me more.
Glad you asked!

Lets start with these ESPN/FoxNews watching assholes who call into talk radio shows. There are certain, phrases/words/cliches that these drones love that have no place in the lexicon of Intelligent conversation. Here are a few:

1. differential.... as in 'There's a 3 second differential between the play clock and the game clock'
1 sylable does not a genius make. Differential is what makes the wheels of a car go. The cog, or main component. There's a 3 seccond difference between the play clock and the game clock. Not only is that correct, it doesn't sound stupid, so stop using the word where it doesn't belong. If you're that enamoured with the word, go to work at the Texaco Station.

2. Adult beverages. Jesus fucking christ, you redneck prick. Just because you once wore a tie with your best overalls, does not make you The Lord Byron of Football. You had a beer. The only acceptable circumstance in which i'll allow this phrase to go without attaint is if you enjoy your Bud Lite with a pinkie in the air.

3. Here's another sports phrase that makes me want to mince the users word box in a Cuisinart with curdled milk:
Defensive side of the ball.
Well, duh. I didn't think it was the defensive side of the sperm bank. of course it's the ball.
Some jerkoffs use this when talking about baseball too, and they only do it to appear intelligent and fill word space, because the nutsack they stole their opinion from on ESPN used it.
The Cowboys suck defensively.
The Cowboys suck on the defensive side of the ball.
both get the point across, and the second one makes you hate the user more than you hate the Cowboys.

4. I heard a 'meteorologist' use the word 'double nickle' when refering to a temperature of 55 a while back. One time, i could have let it go, but 3 times in one forecast!!!!
Tell it's going to be 55 degrees tomorrow, and go back to yourprecious Doppler. If you wanna audition for SportsCenter, make the trip to Bristol. If you want to read the weather, read the fucking weather.

5. Anyone who adds 'gate' to the end of a scandal. Tigergate, palingate, Brittneygate. How bout blowmefuckyoueatmycockgate? to all those 'creative' gate creaters.

6. Any nickname that combines some 1st name/ some last name or takes one of the names and puts 'y' at the end.
ARod
Smotlzy
Hanesy
I'm not one of those 'it was better back when guys' but we used to have good nicknames.
Catfish
Goose
El Presidente
The Big Hurt
All took some thought, now you're assigned a lame knickname like a damn number.
As ridiculously lowbrow as ocho cinco is, at least it is not paint-by-numbers.

7. And for fucks sake: Seinfeld references are no longer funny or original, if you feel the need to use any of the following, return to 1995 and take your flannel with you. Even he's moved on!
Not that there's anything wrong with that
Double Dipping
(insert word here) Nazi
Regift (i'm actually okay with this one)
Master of your domain
Anyone who celebrates Festivus
And anyone who uses themselves in the 3rd person to try and sound hip....

May you all choke on your own pretentions.....

Now, in all political correctness: Happy Holidays, Crazy Kwanzaa, and Super St Satans Day to you all!