Fatuities

Soft language, and peoples shame over what's natural and human have turned us into limp, delicate and afraid of our own smells.
I was at the doctor the other day and a man coughs, asks where is the 'restroom' because the medicine made him almost 'use the restroom on himself.'
1st. let's look at the word restroom. the occasional bubble bath is the only real rest you do in there. The strain room is more descriptive and appropriate. True story here: I was walking my dog one day and he was sniffing in some bushes and a fat old bitch(sorry, i mean elderly female) comes outside and in her most condescending voice yells 'your dog's not gonna use the bathroom there is he?' All, i could say was 'no ma am, i don't even see a toilet out here. though, he is sniffing him a spot in the back so i recon he may find this a good place to shit.' She just went inside, but that brings me to my second point....
2nd. The man almost shit himself. I would have accepted pooped too, but my point is that he's so uncomfortable with his own body he actually said use the restroom on himself!
I should have gotten offended at him. I mean if you're gonna use my restroom and not at least buy it dinner. Then you don't deserve my restroom.
Why cant you say the word shit on TV? The youngest baby to the oldest woman in the world does this. Using this logic: cry, breathe, booger, and blink are all words that should not be allowed on TV as well.

Farting and burping are just plain funny. we wont even get into that.

Nah, let's get into it. Ever sit in a leather chair in front of people you don't know. Before anyone at all reacts your first thought is to cover it up. Why!? A chair makes a noise, and you turn red because someone may have assumed you farted. Is this what this world's come too? A chair makes a noise and you are so afraid of what someone else would assume you make an even bigger deal about it by announcing that it was the chair. I've even seen some people sit up and sit down on the chair again to prove it. Like i got 3 seconds to spend with an asshole whose only conversation with me is 'hey look that wasn't me.' Fuck that, I've got better things on my mind, like where's the can in this place? I had Mexican for lunch!

and that's the last we'll ever speak of this

Public Parlance

Did it. Took out the wife beating joke, but i did it.....
Here's my 1st formal Speech masters speech........


Everyone has their outlet.
some exercise
some go to therapy
some cook delicious pies (*1)
Me, I blog

Blogging lets me voice my opinion without some asshole breaking in every other word.
Blogging gives me a chance to think about what I'm saying before i say it.
For instance, a conversation on the phone, at my home, or even at the end of the row about politics could lead to me saying this:
"Rush Limbaugh is a nut job idiot"
Now, that's fine, i got my point across. But, there was no meat. Nothing behind to back me up.
With a blog, i have a chance to think, construct, and articulately write something like:
"Rush Limbaugh likes to speak with propaganda in order to spread his own agenda which is apparently to create an army of small mindless clones that refuse to think for themselves."
maybe.

Blogging keeps my mind sharp. See, I'm from the MTV generation. the 1983 version with the moon man and construction paper cartoons. The generation that brought us ADD, Give it to me now, 30 second sound bite, where's the beef, yo quiero taco bell, video killed the radio star generation.... whaaaaaazzzzuuuuuuuup!
50 ways to make brain dry itself out was contained in that last sentence.
So, i have to keep my mind sharp. Be it writing, art, jewelry, puzzles. Or, starting every morning with a big ole glass of 11g! (*2)

Another thing, Blogging lets the reader know more about me. Be it, the hot girl from Idaho on myspace. or, the Virtual stranger on blogspot who happened to type in the wrong keyword one day. The blog my mom does not have the link to.
I have several personalities. My work personality, thanks guys for putting up with my, lets call them idiosyncrasies. My home personality, which is pretty much my work personality with a dog added in. And the thoughts in my head. you know, the ones that kept me out of the really good schools. Those i work out in blogs.

Blogging allows for some cyber interaction. I'm a tech fan. I yearn for the latest and greatest. I embrace whats new and exiting. Some people will say they miss the 'good ole days.' or John Wayne, that's when they really knew how to make movies. And, that's fine, but i believe that every year is the best year yet to come...
One day I dream of a world where i can compose my blog into a recorder that automatically translates my words into grammatically correct sentences, creates a 3-d hologram of me (a much more slender me, but me nonetheless) and allows the reader to mentally click a button and hear me speak 3 minutes about how much i love beer.
Then I will have time for therapy!


(1) the line i replaced the wife beating joke with
(2) a Dell term for our new line of servers

Fidelity, Stupidity, or just a lack of creativity

I joined a group at work called Speech Masters. We take turns doing 3 -5 minute speeches, breaking down, judging and a little bit of improv.
Tomorrow is my turn to do a speech, i did not realise this until today. So, the first subject i could think of is 'blogging is my therapy.'
So, now, I'm blogging about my speech on blogging.
Blow your mind?
Wait till you hear how fucking funny this speech is gonna be....


and, that's the last we'll ever speak of that.

The Silver Pony

Uggggh. Colonoscopy time.
here's my jokes so far....
Hope it's not the aids
Hope it's not cancer
as long as you're in there will you look for my watch
is that a tumor or are you just happy to see me
hope it's not swine hemmeroids
please dont let me die with a camera in my ass.

and thats the last we'll ever speak of this....

Facebook Debate

13,000 Americans die from the flu every year. 1 infant has died from this so called 'pandemic' Take off the masks, go out and play, wash your hands and lighten the hell up.

at 5:29pm May 2

Not that I like a baby dying or anything. But I agree. Being someone who still likes to read an actual newspaper, I couldn't help but notice that the stories about how things are calming down are being buried four or so pages in...not that people aren't going to get sick but...yeah, what you said.

 

at 5:31pm May 2

1 year != 2 weeks, and about forty other things wrong with that argument.

 

Al Barney at 6:04pm May 2

1 in 2 weeks = 26 a year. I would be interested in the 39 other things wrong with my statement...
20 people in the U.S. currently have swine flu.
3600 people died last year from adverse reactions to asprin.
more than 15000 people die in america each year from food poisoning. thats just eating!
so, go ahead and wear your mask.

 

at 8:56pm May 2

I think you're my hero, Al.

 

 Al Barney at 8:58pm May 2

Yeah, i get that alot.
lol

 

at 8:58pm May 2

Think I should chime in here.... Good Call AL! Some day when I grow up I gonna be just like y... no scratch that, just stick with good call!

 

 Al Barney at 8:59pm May 2

have another Miller lite Kevin, i will too!

 

at 9:55pm May 2

I gave it a shot, but I clearly overestimated. I could only come up with 20.

 

Al Barney at 10:02pm May 2

lol. give me 3. ur the one that called me out. :)

 

at 10:16pm May 2
Some easy ones:
3. One infant, here. Sixteen Mexicans, some of whom, distressingly, were healthy young adults.
7. 30-50k Americans die from flu, not 13k. Admittedly, a nitpick
8. Disease deaths are not uniformly distributed through the lifetime of the epidemic/season. So comparing the death rate in the first two weeks to the whole flu season rate is apples-to-oranges.

And a bonus, because I think it's the important one: we're being asked to do very little, really, in order to prevent something that may be nothing, but may be a pretty awful something.

Because this is starting to sound like an episode of Firing Line: butts.

 

Al Barney at 10:33pm May 2
infant or adult it's the same. if child death is that important, worry about crib death.

#8 is ridiculous. a roundabout way of justifying that your statistics are bogus.

and your bonus is ridiculous. We're being asked to do very little about carbon monoxide poisoning as well, but it's still there

Swine Flu is a media created ridiculous waste of our thoughts and time.

let's worry about real issues like the millions of Americans who can't afford to catch swine flu because their insurance will deny them the help they actually need.

 at 10:57pm May 2

Okay, but this is a big deal because it's a weird new pig to human bug...we don't necessarily know what to do about that! And while taking normal precautions is what we should be doing all the time anyway, washing hands, not going to public events knowing you're contagious, etc, the media is just reminding us to do those things since many people are dirty and selfish and need to be reminded.

 

at 11:30pm May 2
I have read that this particular strand has nothing to do with pigs. That is was misdiagnosed and mislabeled. Just a thought
I think it's important to keep things in perspective with something like this simply becuase our media blows everything out of proportion especially things that are new becuase they have nothing.... else..... to .... talk about.
There are lots of things that we can that is preventive. Just lie we can when season flus hit, drink more water, work out, sit in sauna's and steam room to sweat out toxins, eat better, take pro biotic's, take vitamin c etc, it's not rocket science, It's the flu

Now I know for my next sentence I am going to be mauled but I don't think that it's fair to compare a 30 year old living in Mexico city to a 30 year living somewhere in the US. Our health care standards and health care practices are truly like comparing apples to oranges.

Lastly the boy who died in Texas happened to be a Mexican child who had underlying health issues when he crossed the border back to Mexico to visit family in Matamoros, Mexico.

The cause of death was pneumonia.

 

at 12:02am May 3
lol Al. Like the part about the carbon monoxide.
In some cases pneumonia can be caused by the flu, or it can simply be opportunistic.
As far as the Mexican health system

Iin the case of the child, he was treated in the US and was at a hospital in Houston when he passed. Based on when he started showing symptoms, I would question whether he even had it before leaving Mexico. Hadn't heard of any underlying health issues.

http://www.kveo.com/news/houston-swine-boy-stayed-in-brownsville

I have family in Mexico by marriage, have travelled there more times than I can count, and, while no means an expert, know that in some places, health care is as good as in the US.

Sadly, in some cases it depends at what level you live and whether you have state sponsored health care or private

at 12:09am May 3Felipe Solis, the director of the Museum of Anthropology in Mexico City died either a week or a day after meeting with President Obama from symptoms similar to the flu. No confirmation yet on whether it was the swine flu. I would certainly think that he would have access to top level health care.

 

Only point I'm trying to make is that it's ... Read Moredangerous to make a blanket statement about another countries health care system without personally experiencing it.

 

Lastly, anyone find it odd that in the printed media you see how there have been 160 deaths in Mexico, but yet on Channel 4 tonight they stated 34 confirmed deaths?

 

Allie Janisch at 12:11am May 3

I think you are 100% right, he didn't catch it in Texas he most likely caught it in Mexico, he had underlying health issues and caught Pneumonia as a complication which happens obviously very easily with anyone who is not 100% health.

You also right about the health care systems in general and who has health insurance and who doesn't is relevant. ... Read MoreHowever, I still don't think we can take it at face value when they say a healthy 30 somethings are dying. Who says their healthy? What doctor made that determination. There are just way to may other determining factors involved here to just blurt out that they were HEALTHY 30 somethings.

 

at 12:18am May 3

Best link ever
http://www.businessinsurance.com/cgi-bin/news.pl?post_date=2009-05-01&id=16088

 

at 12:20am May 3
Um, actually I meant maybe he came down with it in Texas.
Was in Brownsville April 3rd, didn't show symptoms until the 8th after coming back from Houston.
I've seen several different possibilties given as to why the difference in the number of deaths. I question if it's a different strain here possibly.

... Read More

In any event, seems completely overblown. I think the worry was there for it to spread out of control, which I just heard today or yesterday that it's not as contagious as originally thought.

at 12:22am May 3

I am not making blanket statements I am saying there are to many variables to sort through to make a statement either way over how lethal the virus is. This statement that the CDC made yesterday actually just echos what I said.
http://www.businessinsurance.com/cgi-bin/news.pl?post_date=2009-05-01&id=16088

 

at 12:28am May 3

Skimmed the link, same thing I posted basically. Agree with your post immediately above.

And yes, you did make a blanket statement about the health care standards and practices in Mexico. A lot of those doctors go to school/train in the US.

 

at 12:33am May 3
Brownsville is a border town. A border town that couldn't handle pneumonia in this particular child so they sent him here. I found one report titled " child dies while visiting the US"
I think the difference in numbers is because they have only been able to prove that 34 died of the flu instead of complications related to the flu. Which would not ... Read More surprise me one bit.
I don't think the issue is whether or not it's contagious. I think it's proven to be contagious, I think the issue here is how severe it compared to what was originally thought. This went from deadly to mild over the course of a few days.

 

at 12:39am May 3

Not so much about the doctors.... more relating it to government and how they manage health care. You're kind of picking the middle rung on the ladder by singling out doctors.

 

at 1:03am May 3
Brownsville's a border town of about 160,000 on the US side. He wasn't "sent" here he was visting both Brownsville and then later Houston. He was from Mexico City, crossed at Matamoros to visit family in Brownsville.
Yes, the accessiblity to health care is abysmal due to government and in some cases even something as basic as transportation.
As far as the middle rung, you made the statement about the health care practices and standards in Mexico. Wouldn't it be the doctor's that have the most influence over those?

And, as someone above said, it's not rocket science, it's the flu. Any doctor, catching it early, should be able to treat it before it progresses too far.

at 1:29am May 3

Doctors don't write insurance policy's so no in fact that is quite a naive statement. Doctors don't write insurance policy's so yes they are the middle rung. It's the government and insurance companies which go hand in hand. Doctors are basically pawns....

 

I am the one who said it wasn't rocket science and actually the US and Mexico have agreed ... Read Morethat prevention is more effective then treatment so again I disagree. Doctors are not the ones who can halt the spread. We are,by doing what I also said above in the same post.

Allie Janisch at 1:33am May 3

There is no cure for the flu it's a virus doctors can't help unless you are already sick, elderly or very young. That's in positive cases that they are able to help.Yet again in Mexico's cases I am forced to look the those who have died and the health they were in previous to getting the virus.... wait, no, I am not, I already know the answer.....

 

Jack Payne II at 1:52am May 3

I was calling into question your comment about the health care practices and standards in Mexico compared to the U.S.

 

"Our health care standards and health care practices are truly like comparing apples to oranges."
Health care practices and standards are generally set by the doctor. So in that context was my response. i.e. Cleanliness, prcoedures, etc. If the doctor's are trained mostly in the U.S. ......then they should be as qualified
I'm well aware of insurance companies and government interference. I don't think it was a naive statement in the context that I gave it and I don't appreciate the implication.
I realized it was you that made the rocket science comment. I also know that the flu is a virus and all you can do is treat the symptoms. Yes, prevention is preferable as it is for anything.
And let me get this straight, you don't trust the doctor's to evaulate the health of the patients in Mexico (which, from what I've read, is in some cases right on the

at 1:54am May 3

money), but yet you know the health of all the people in Mexico prior to their contracting the flu? Isn't that a bit presumptuous?

 

at 4:04am May 3

Is the basic argument here: 20 million plus people in Mexico City alone? How many died today or in the past two weeks of something OTHER than H1N1? And what does that mean for everyone else? If a person with substandard health care dies in an urban cesspool and no one notices did they really die? Answer: Only if it's sweeps period in the US and we can make the average American sheep...err...viewer think it might show up on their doorstep.

 

at 9:28am May 3
I am also more arguing about the overall health of the elderly as well as the general population down there as I have pointed out several times. Here is a whole article about how they are lagging behind national averages.... just so you can feel better about one sentence out of thousands that are being argued about this topic.
Health care in Mexico
Health in Mexico has increased but in many parts is lagging behind the national averages. The class separations in Mexico between the rich and poor have also affected health care access under the structure of the health care system that exists in Mexico

http://www.themedicineprogram.com/home/article/Health_care_in_Mexico

Have a nice day!

Rants about Pants

No one on this planet wants a miracle weight loss pill than me. It's not a cop out or an excuse not to exercise. It's cause I'm fucking lazy and i love food!

I love french fries, I love sandwiches with lots of creamy sauce, fry it up and I'm probably gonna like it! Mix that with a genetic slow metabolism, then i have to really work to not balloon up even more than i have in the past. I've done good to lose as much weight as i have, but i seemed to have settled out at where i am for the last 6 months. Not good enough. I'm doing my part, i pulled the exercise bike out of the garage. Sure, it's in the kitchen now. But, i really wanted to do the right thing. There are carrots in my refrigerator. Somewhere in the back behind the Coke Zero and blue cheese dressing. I bought some yogurt. And i got a much needed workout lifting out of the fridge and throwing it away when it was out of date. Hey, i love bananas! with peanut butter or honey or chocolate sauce. I drink lots of water! But also lots of beer and vodka.

Don't get me wrong, i don't hate myself, but i did have a lot more sex back in the skinny days. I'm self confident, funny and honest. But, i have a serious love of pigging out and a pill that gave me a free pass would be fucking awesome.

Mitch Hedberg once said... 'That would be cool if you could eat a good food with a bad food and the good food would cover for the bad food when it got to your stomach. Like you could eat a carrot with an onion ring and they would travel down to your stomach, then they would get there, and the carrot would say, "It's cool, he's with me."

Hopefully a little nip/tuck action will be covered on my insurance before too long.