Inglorious Magniloquence

Stupid people trying to sound smart, have found themselves at the top of my"I Fucking Hate You, and You Need To Shut Up Now" list.....

Well Al, you might be saying to yourself. I think I might agree, as there is a large portion of society that i would like to rape with a serated blade dipped in Aids, so tell me more.
Glad you asked!

Lets start with these ESPN/FoxNews watching assholes who call into talk radio shows. There are certain, phrases/words/cliches that these drones love that have no place in the lexicon of Intelligent conversation. Here are a few:

1. differential.... as in 'There's a 3 second differential between the play clock and the game clock'
1 sylable does not a genius make. Differential is what makes the wheels of a car go. The cog, or main component. There's a 3 seccond difference between the play clock and the game clock. Not only is that correct, it doesn't sound stupid, so stop using the word where it doesn't belong. If you're that enamoured with the word, go to work at the Texaco Station.

2. Adult beverages. Jesus fucking christ, you redneck prick. Just because you once wore a tie with your best overalls, does not make you The Lord Byron of Football. You had a beer. The only acceptable circumstance in which i'll allow this phrase to go without attaint is if you enjoy your Bud Lite with a pinkie in the air.

3. Here's another sports phrase that makes me want to mince the users word box in a Cuisinart with curdled milk:
Defensive side of the ball.
Well, duh. I didn't think it was the defensive side of the sperm bank. of course it's the ball.
Some jerkoffs use this when talking about baseball too, and they only do it to appear intelligent and fill word space, because the nutsack they stole their opinion from on ESPN used it.
The Cowboys suck defensively.
The Cowboys suck on the defensive side of the ball.
both get the point across, and the second one makes you hate the user more than you hate the Cowboys.

4. I heard a 'meteorologist' use the word 'double nickle' when refering to a temperature of 55 a while back. One time, i could have let it go, but 3 times in one forecast!!!!
Tell it's going to be 55 degrees tomorrow, and go back to yourprecious Doppler. If you wanna audition for SportsCenter, make the trip to Bristol. If you want to read the weather, read the fucking weather.

5. Anyone who adds 'gate' to the end of a scandal. Tigergate, palingate, Brittneygate. How bout blowmefuckyoueatmycockgate? to all those 'creative' gate creaters.

6. Any nickname that combines some 1st name/ some last name or takes one of the names and puts 'y' at the end.
ARod
Smotlzy
Hanesy
I'm not one of those 'it was better back when guys' but we used to have good nicknames.
Catfish
Goose
El Presidente
The Big Hurt
All took some thought, now you're assigned a lame knickname like a damn number.
As ridiculously lowbrow as ocho cinco is, at least it is not paint-by-numbers.

7. And for fucks sake: Seinfeld references are no longer funny or original, if you feel the need to use any of the following, return to 1995 and take your flannel with you. Even he's moved on!
Not that there's anything wrong with that
Double Dipping
(insert word here) Nazi
Regift (i'm actually okay with this one)
Master of your domain
Anyone who celebrates Festivus
And anyone who uses themselves in the 3rd person to try and sound hip....

May you all choke on your own pretentions.....

Now, in all political correctness: Happy Holidays, Crazy Kwanzaa, and Super St Satans Day to you all!

Too much time in my brain

Wouldnt it be cool if weather was like pay per view. Pissed off or sad, order rain. Need an excuse to lay on the couch and watch football all day, order cold. I'm gonna bet the sunny and mild channel would be slow because of all the bandwidth.

Ever have 2 lightbulbs go out at the same time and only have 1 replacement? Choosing which one im gonna replace stresses me out. I mean if i choose the wrong one, looks like another midnight run to Kroger.

I wanna take a picture of a picture, but a bad picture. Then maybe that picture could be beautiful at last.

i've never seen a unicyclist on a cell phone.

Where do mime's get those invisble boxes that they always seem to be stuck in? Cause i dont want any of that.

Whenever i make food and it sucks i still eat it.

how come there is no bacon flavored gum?

Tommyrot

I googled the word google and my cpu exploded.
i've never met a stripper named Cathy.
Is it just me, or are old people going out of fashion?
you can't fuck up mac & cheese.
Nothing but bad can come from taking beer to church.
Looking back, i bet George Bush could just kick himself for having his brother fix the election back in 2000.
I wonder if i have a file with the FBI?
A landmine cost $3 to make and $1000 to disarm and remove. you think more thought would go into making these decisions on the front end.
Is it too soon for me to get a Kelly Clarkson tattoo?
Is the world ready for 4ply toilet paper?
Who wants to come over and play house?

Hacks

I believe that if you claim to be a comedian, you should be funny all the time. Thats right, always 'on'. It's not like its the worlds hardest job, come on. Not to say that being a jokester is easy. But, if you do it, do it.
Now, i'm no comedian myself. I wish i was that talanted, but i'm just a funny guy. Theres a big difference. Funny guy's say funny things. Comedians make people laugh, laugh and think. I have the utmost respect for the stand-ups i admire(and some i even don't). But, here is not what constitutes a comedian and what will keep you from making any real progress in life. There are the certain one hit wonder exceptions, of course, but they tend to go away fast.
1. Fat people who only talk about how fat they are. I get it your big. It's fun to point an laugh behind your back. But i don't think eating yourself into a career is the smartest move you can make.
2. People who dress odd or have bad hair cuts. Children can cut their hair with a bowl and talk about how stupid they look. Dogs can put on a zoot suit and say 'look at me'
3. People who only talk about the smart ass things they say. So, i told the waiter i wasn't here for the drawing... i don't need a ticket. It's not intelligent, it's not funny and i've heard it before.
4. Prop Comics..... KILL ME!
5. Paradoy singers.... Weird Al started it, Weird Al perfected it, and there doesn't need to be another Weird Al.
not an addition but a post script... black ladies, how funny the ghetto is and how lazy your man is... played out. it was origional for a while, now move on.
Maybe it's sour grapes, maybe some small shallow part of the population agrees with me, maybe I really do believe i'm funnier than these people. But the simple fact is intelligent, insightful observations on what makes us different or the same as anyone else is what real comedy is all about. I fart and call it gold. But it's still just a puff of wonderus wind.

Profligatus

I've never been one to hold back, and tonight i'm gonna let it fly.
Shitty things happen to good people, i get that. Good people do shitty things, it's inevitable.
But, when your personal vendetta affects the life of a child, by not getting to grow up around her dad. Your karmic maltreat cannot be severe enough.
A little color.....
The one to whom this directed is one of my friends. The man she to whom she will soon shaft is no saint, but he's a solid provider and a VERY loving dad.
He works too much so she doesn't have to work at all.
She's an incredible mom, and keeps a beautiful home.

But, They are not married.

And, in Tennessee, if you're a man, not married, and have a kid, you might as well have fill your breast implant with tobacco. cause you have ZERO rights.

I realize the mother probably deserves custody most of the time. But, to leave the state and encumber the husband to the point where you know he wont, logistically, be able to ever see his child. Then you clearly aren't putting the best intrest of the baby 1st. You're being selfish and vindictive and need to think about why you want to do this.

I'm so mad i could punch a wall... But, 10 years down the road some bitch may wanna use it as ammo to take my kid away.

Intemperance is such an excessive word

You know what's fun? Hangin out with a bunch of freaks you haven't seen in 20 years and drinking yourself stupid. Or, at least, drinking yourself leagly retarded.
It's odd when what can only be described pragmatically as strangers know you better than some of the people you see every day. In the social networking age; everyone can feel like a celebrity, every once and a while, at least.
And, with the alchol, you can act like one as well.
That's the best thing about a gathering of people you dont really know, but knew. Fuck up too bad, and you dont have to see them for 20 years again. And, by then, Bobby will be to senile(and probably divorced) to hold against you the fact you asked his wife(or daughter?) to shove a couple fingers in your ass while she licked your ball sack. I'm just sayin, that's all.

And in the quick of the night they reach for their moment
And try to make an honest stand but they wind up wounded, not even dead
Tonight in jungleland

The moral of the story: We all had a great time, went back to the real world, and maybe grew just a little more tolerant of others. But I really really doubt it.

And, it wasn't even my reunion ;)

And thats the last we'll ever speak of that.

Full Metal Ascot

I feel like I'm getting choked every time i turn on the news these days. I'm quickly becoming apolitical and don't feel like less of an American for one second. Republicans spin everything Obama does, and Democrats spin everything they have to defend against the Republicans spin. You guessed it, it's making me dizzy. And, what happens when a ride makes you dizzy and uncomfortable? you get off the ride and go throw ping pong balls into fishbowls.

Now, spin and partisanship have always existed in politics, but they were generally related to true moral beliefs. Anymore, it's like team sports. You have your teammates back no matter what. Now, how is that good for Americans?

No longer refer to me as a Democrat.

Ill accept liberal, but only because there's not a better word for 'free thinking, uncontrollable, semi-socialist, emotional anarchist, anti-PC, fart loving, just give me an answer without all the preface bullshit spin-ocratican'

Minor Scholastic Achievements

On my way home tonight i saw a bumper sitcker that read 'I am an honor student at Nashville Auto Diesel College'
Not that i'm trying to diminish this obviously incredible feat, but the mere thought of the instances surronding this man being awarded this important prize brings a giggle from my gut.
Possible intercom announcements include....."will the following students please report to the garage for the bumper sticker presentation.....""Bubba; please stand up, remove your chaw and come accept your sticker... don't worry, you wont have to read it aloud."
i'm reminded of the comic stylings of George Carlin....."We are the Proud Parents of a Child Whose Self-Esteem is Sufficient that He Doesn't Need Us Advertising His Minor Scholastic Achievements on the Bumper of Our Car."
Imma go eat dinner now.... of course if you were behind me in traffic, you'd already know that.
AJK

Think ill go down to the Well tonight, gonna drink till i get my fill....

Karma's a fucking bitch, and i'm waiting for my upside. When you're depressed and pissed off, you have a lethal combination bound to scare your friends.

I'm a good person. I've fucked up a lot, but i've done a lot of good too, but i always end up on the short end of the proverbial shit stick. That's not exactly true, i have it better than a lot of people, but when it comes to happiness i just cant figgure it out.

Maybe i'm trying too hard. Maybe i have some sort of mental block. Maybe my teachers were right and no one likes me and i'm destined to hermitdom. I'm pretty sure a priest said something similar to me after he got done jerking me off in front of a statue of the virgin mary.

I guess i'll keep trying and maybe someday something will stick. But, after 39 years, i'm starting to wonder.

Keep your feet on the ground and keep reaching for the bartenders.

And, that's the last we'll ever speak of this.

Fatuities

Soft language, and peoples shame over what's natural and human have turned us into limp, delicate and afraid of our own smells.
I was at the doctor the other day and a man coughs, asks where is the 'restroom' because the medicine made him almost 'use the restroom on himself.'
1st. let's look at the word restroom. the occasional bubble bath is the only real rest you do in there. The strain room is more descriptive and appropriate. True story here: I was walking my dog one day and he was sniffing in some bushes and a fat old bitch(sorry, i mean elderly female) comes outside and in her most condescending voice yells 'your dog's not gonna use the bathroom there is he?' All, i could say was 'no ma am, i don't even see a toilet out here. though, he is sniffing him a spot in the back so i recon he may find this a good place to shit.' She just went inside, but that brings me to my second point....
2nd. The man almost shit himself. I would have accepted pooped too, but my point is that he's so uncomfortable with his own body he actually said use the restroom on himself!
I should have gotten offended at him. I mean if you're gonna use my restroom and not at least buy it dinner. Then you don't deserve my restroom.
Why cant you say the word shit on TV? The youngest baby to the oldest woman in the world does this. Using this logic: cry, breathe, booger, and blink are all words that should not be allowed on TV as well.

Farting and burping are just plain funny. we wont even get into that.

Nah, let's get into it. Ever sit in a leather chair in front of people you don't know. Before anyone at all reacts your first thought is to cover it up. Why!? A chair makes a noise, and you turn red because someone may have assumed you farted. Is this what this world's come too? A chair makes a noise and you are so afraid of what someone else would assume you make an even bigger deal about it by announcing that it was the chair. I've even seen some people sit up and sit down on the chair again to prove it. Like i got 3 seconds to spend with an asshole whose only conversation with me is 'hey look that wasn't me.' Fuck that, I've got better things on my mind, like where's the can in this place? I had Mexican for lunch!

and that's the last we'll ever speak of this

Public Parlance

Did it. Took out the wife beating joke, but i did it.....
Here's my 1st formal Speech masters speech........


Everyone has their outlet.
some exercise
some go to therapy
some cook delicious pies (*1)
Me, I blog

Blogging lets me voice my opinion without some asshole breaking in every other word.
Blogging gives me a chance to think about what I'm saying before i say it.
For instance, a conversation on the phone, at my home, or even at the end of the row about politics could lead to me saying this:
"Rush Limbaugh is a nut job idiot"
Now, that's fine, i got my point across. But, there was no meat. Nothing behind to back me up.
With a blog, i have a chance to think, construct, and articulately write something like:
"Rush Limbaugh likes to speak with propaganda in order to spread his own agenda which is apparently to create an army of small mindless clones that refuse to think for themselves."
maybe.

Blogging keeps my mind sharp. See, I'm from the MTV generation. the 1983 version with the moon man and construction paper cartoons. The generation that brought us ADD, Give it to me now, 30 second sound bite, where's the beef, yo quiero taco bell, video killed the radio star generation.... whaaaaaazzzzuuuuuuuup!
50 ways to make brain dry itself out was contained in that last sentence.
So, i have to keep my mind sharp. Be it writing, art, jewelry, puzzles. Or, starting every morning with a big ole glass of 11g! (*2)

Another thing, Blogging lets the reader know more about me. Be it, the hot girl from Idaho on myspace. or, the Virtual stranger on blogspot who happened to type in the wrong keyword one day. The blog my mom does not have the link to.
I have several personalities. My work personality, thanks guys for putting up with my, lets call them idiosyncrasies. My home personality, which is pretty much my work personality with a dog added in. And the thoughts in my head. you know, the ones that kept me out of the really good schools. Those i work out in blogs.

Blogging allows for some cyber interaction. I'm a tech fan. I yearn for the latest and greatest. I embrace whats new and exiting. Some people will say they miss the 'good ole days.' or John Wayne, that's when they really knew how to make movies. And, that's fine, but i believe that every year is the best year yet to come...
One day I dream of a world where i can compose my blog into a recorder that automatically translates my words into grammatically correct sentences, creates a 3-d hologram of me (a much more slender me, but me nonetheless) and allows the reader to mentally click a button and hear me speak 3 minutes about how much i love beer.
Then I will have time for therapy!


(1) the line i replaced the wife beating joke with
(2) a Dell term for our new line of servers

Fidelity, Stupidity, or just a lack of creativity

I joined a group at work called Speech Masters. We take turns doing 3 -5 minute speeches, breaking down, judging and a little bit of improv.
Tomorrow is my turn to do a speech, i did not realise this until today. So, the first subject i could think of is 'blogging is my therapy.'
So, now, I'm blogging about my speech on blogging.
Blow your mind?
Wait till you hear how fucking funny this speech is gonna be....


and, that's the last we'll ever speak of that.

The Silver Pony

Uggggh. Colonoscopy time.
here's my jokes so far....
Hope it's not the aids
Hope it's not cancer
as long as you're in there will you look for my watch
is that a tumor or are you just happy to see me
hope it's not swine hemmeroids
please dont let me die with a camera in my ass.

and thats the last we'll ever speak of this....

Facebook Debate

13,000 Americans die from the flu every year. 1 infant has died from this so called 'pandemic' Take off the masks, go out and play, wash your hands and lighten the hell up.

at 5:29pm May 2

Not that I like a baby dying or anything. But I agree. Being someone who still likes to read an actual newspaper, I couldn't help but notice that the stories about how things are calming down are being buried four or so pages in...not that people aren't going to get sick but...yeah, what you said.

 

at 5:31pm May 2

1 year != 2 weeks, and about forty other things wrong with that argument.

 

Al Barney at 6:04pm May 2

1 in 2 weeks = 26 a year. I would be interested in the 39 other things wrong with my statement...
20 people in the U.S. currently have swine flu.
3600 people died last year from adverse reactions to asprin.
more than 15000 people die in america each year from food poisoning. thats just eating!
so, go ahead and wear your mask.

 

at 8:56pm May 2

I think you're my hero, Al.

 

 Al Barney at 8:58pm May 2

Yeah, i get that alot.
lol

 

at 8:58pm May 2

Think I should chime in here.... Good Call AL! Some day when I grow up I gonna be just like y... no scratch that, just stick with good call!

 

 Al Barney at 8:59pm May 2

have another Miller lite Kevin, i will too!

 

at 9:55pm May 2

I gave it a shot, but I clearly overestimated. I could only come up with 20.

 

Al Barney at 10:02pm May 2

lol. give me 3. ur the one that called me out. :)

 

at 10:16pm May 2
Some easy ones:
3. One infant, here. Sixteen Mexicans, some of whom, distressingly, were healthy young adults.
7. 30-50k Americans die from flu, not 13k. Admittedly, a nitpick
8. Disease deaths are not uniformly distributed through the lifetime of the epidemic/season. So comparing the death rate in the first two weeks to the whole flu season rate is apples-to-oranges.

And a bonus, because I think it's the important one: we're being asked to do very little, really, in order to prevent something that may be nothing, but may be a pretty awful something.

Because this is starting to sound like an episode of Firing Line: butts.

 

Al Barney at 10:33pm May 2
infant or adult it's the same. if child death is that important, worry about crib death.

#8 is ridiculous. a roundabout way of justifying that your statistics are bogus.

and your bonus is ridiculous. We're being asked to do very little about carbon monoxide poisoning as well, but it's still there

Swine Flu is a media created ridiculous waste of our thoughts and time.

let's worry about real issues like the millions of Americans who can't afford to catch swine flu because their insurance will deny them the help they actually need.

 at 10:57pm May 2

Okay, but this is a big deal because it's a weird new pig to human bug...we don't necessarily know what to do about that! And while taking normal precautions is what we should be doing all the time anyway, washing hands, not going to public events knowing you're contagious, etc, the media is just reminding us to do those things since many people are dirty and selfish and need to be reminded.

 

at 11:30pm May 2
I have read that this particular strand has nothing to do with pigs. That is was misdiagnosed and mislabeled. Just a thought
I think it's important to keep things in perspective with something like this simply becuase our media blows everything out of proportion especially things that are new becuase they have nothing.... else..... to .... talk about.
There are lots of things that we can that is preventive. Just lie we can when season flus hit, drink more water, work out, sit in sauna's and steam room to sweat out toxins, eat better, take pro biotic's, take vitamin c etc, it's not rocket science, It's the flu

Now I know for my next sentence I am going to be mauled but I don't think that it's fair to compare a 30 year old living in Mexico city to a 30 year living somewhere in the US. Our health care standards and health care practices are truly like comparing apples to oranges.

Lastly the boy who died in Texas happened to be a Mexican child who had underlying health issues when he crossed the border back to Mexico to visit family in Matamoros, Mexico.

The cause of death was pneumonia.

 

at 12:02am May 3
lol Al. Like the part about the carbon monoxide.
In some cases pneumonia can be caused by the flu, or it can simply be opportunistic.
As far as the Mexican health system

Iin the case of the child, he was treated in the US and was at a hospital in Houston when he passed. Based on when he started showing symptoms, I would question whether he even had it before leaving Mexico. Hadn't heard of any underlying health issues.

http://www.kveo.com/news/houston-swine-boy-stayed-in-brownsville

I have family in Mexico by marriage, have travelled there more times than I can count, and, while no means an expert, know that in some places, health care is as good as in the US.

Sadly, in some cases it depends at what level you live and whether you have state sponsored health care or private

at 12:09am May 3Felipe Solis, the director of the Museum of Anthropology in Mexico City died either a week or a day after meeting with President Obama from symptoms similar to the flu. No confirmation yet on whether it was the swine flu. I would certainly think that he would have access to top level health care.

 

Only point I'm trying to make is that it's ... Read Moredangerous to make a blanket statement about another countries health care system without personally experiencing it.

 

Lastly, anyone find it odd that in the printed media you see how there have been 160 deaths in Mexico, but yet on Channel 4 tonight they stated 34 confirmed deaths?

 

Allie Janisch at 12:11am May 3

I think you are 100% right, he didn't catch it in Texas he most likely caught it in Mexico, he had underlying health issues and caught Pneumonia as a complication which happens obviously very easily with anyone who is not 100% health.

You also right about the health care systems in general and who has health insurance and who doesn't is relevant. ... Read MoreHowever, I still don't think we can take it at face value when they say a healthy 30 somethings are dying. Who says their healthy? What doctor made that determination. There are just way to may other determining factors involved here to just blurt out that they were HEALTHY 30 somethings.

 

at 12:18am May 3

Best link ever
http://www.businessinsurance.com/cgi-bin/news.pl?post_date=2009-05-01&id=16088

 

at 12:20am May 3
Um, actually I meant maybe he came down with it in Texas.
Was in Brownsville April 3rd, didn't show symptoms until the 8th after coming back from Houston.
I've seen several different possibilties given as to why the difference in the number of deaths. I question if it's a different strain here possibly.

... Read More

In any event, seems completely overblown. I think the worry was there for it to spread out of control, which I just heard today or yesterday that it's not as contagious as originally thought.

at 12:22am May 3

I am not making blanket statements I am saying there are to many variables to sort through to make a statement either way over how lethal the virus is. This statement that the CDC made yesterday actually just echos what I said.
http://www.businessinsurance.com/cgi-bin/news.pl?post_date=2009-05-01&id=16088

 

at 12:28am May 3

Skimmed the link, same thing I posted basically. Agree with your post immediately above.

And yes, you did make a blanket statement about the health care standards and practices in Mexico. A lot of those doctors go to school/train in the US.

 

at 12:33am May 3
Brownsville is a border town. A border town that couldn't handle pneumonia in this particular child so they sent him here. I found one report titled " child dies while visiting the US"
I think the difference in numbers is because they have only been able to prove that 34 died of the flu instead of complications related to the flu. Which would not ... Read More surprise me one bit.
I don't think the issue is whether or not it's contagious. I think it's proven to be contagious, I think the issue here is how severe it compared to what was originally thought. This went from deadly to mild over the course of a few days.

 

at 12:39am May 3

Not so much about the doctors.... more relating it to government and how they manage health care. You're kind of picking the middle rung on the ladder by singling out doctors.

 

at 1:03am May 3
Brownsville's a border town of about 160,000 on the US side. He wasn't "sent" here he was visting both Brownsville and then later Houston. He was from Mexico City, crossed at Matamoros to visit family in Brownsville.
Yes, the accessiblity to health care is abysmal due to government and in some cases even something as basic as transportation.
As far as the middle rung, you made the statement about the health care practices and standards in Mexico. Wouldn't it be the doctor's that have the most influence over those?

And, as someone above said, it's not rocket science, it's the flu. Any doctor, catching it early, should be able to treat it before it progresses too far.

at 1:29am May 3

Doctors don't write insurance policy's so no in fact that is quite a naive statement. Doctors don't write insurance policy's so yes they are the middle rung. It's the government and insurance companies which go hand in hand. Doctors are basically pawns....

 

I am the one who said it wasn't rocket science and actually the US and Mexico have agreed ... Read Morethat prevention is more effective then treatment so again I disagree. Doctors are not the ones who can halt the spread. We are,by doing what I also said above in the same post.

Allie Janisch at 1:33am May 3

There is no cure for the flu it's a virus doctors can't help unless you are already sick, elderly or very young. That's in positive cases that they are able to help.Yet again in Mexico's cases I am forced to look the those who have died and the health they were in previous to getting the virus.... wait, no, I am not, I already know the answer.....

 

Jack Payne II at 1:52am May 3

I was calling into question your comment about the health care practices and standards in Mexico compared to the U.S.

 

"Our health care standards and health care practices are truly like comparing apples to oranges."
Health care practices and standards are generally set by the doctor. So in that context was my response. i.e. Cleanliness, prcoedures, etc. If the doctor's are trained mostly in the U.S. ......then they should be as qualified
I'm well aware of insurance companies and government interference. I don't think it was a naive statement in the context that I gave it and I don't appreciate the implication.
I realized it was you that made the rocket science comment. I also know that the flu is a virus and all you can do is treat the symptoms. Yes, prevention is preferable as it is for anything.
And let me get this straight, you don't trust the doctor's to evaulate the health of the patients in Mexico (which, from what I've read, is in some cases right on the

at 1:54am May 3

money), but yet you know the health of all the people in Mexico prior to their contracting the flu? Isn't that a bit presumptuous?

 

at 4:04am May 3

Is the basic argument here: 20 million plus people in Mexico City alone? How many died today or in the past two weeks of something OTHER than H1N1? And what does that mean for everyone else? If a person with substandard health care dies in an urban cesspool and no one notices did they really die? Answer: Only if it's sweeps period in the US and we can make the average American sheep...err...viewer think it might show up on their doorstep.

 

at 9:28am May 3
I am also more arguing about the overall health of the elderly as well as the general population down there as I have pointed out several times. Here is a whole article about how they are lagging behind national averages.... just so you can feel better about one sentence out of thousands that are being argued about this topic.
Health care in Mexico
Health in Mexico has increased but in many parts is lagging behind the national averages. The class separations in Mexico between the rich and poor have also affected health care access under the structure of the health care system that exists in Mexico

http://www.themedicineprogram.com/home/article/Health_care_in_Mexico

Have a nice day!

Rants about Pants

No one on this planet wants a miracle weight loss pill than me. It's not a cop out or an excuse not to exercise. It's cause I'm fucking lazy and i love food!

I love french fries, I love sandwiches with lots of creamy sauce, fry it up and I'm probably gonna like it! Mix that with a genetic slow metabolism, then i have to really work to not balloon up even more than i have in the past. I've done good to lose as much weight as i have, but i seemed to have settled out at where i am for the last 6 months. Not good enough. I'm doing my part, i pulled the exercise bike out of the garage. Sure, it's in the kitchen now. But, i really wanted to do the right thing. There are carrots in my refrigerator. Somewhere in the back behind the Coke Zero and blue cheese dressing. I bought some yogurt. And i got a much needed workout lifting out of the fridge and throwing it away when it was out of date. Hey, i love bananas! with peanut butter or honey or chocolate sauce. I drink lots of water! But also lots of beer and vodka.

Don't get me wrong, i don't hate myself, but i did have a lot more sex back in the skinny days. I'm self confident, funny and honest. But, i have a serious love of pigging out and a pill that gave me a free pass would be fucking awesome.

Mitch Hedberg once said... 'That would be cool if you could eat a good food with a bad food and the good food would cover for the bad food when it got to your stomach. Like you could eat a carrot with an onion ring and they would travel down to your stomach, then they would get there, and the carrot would say, "It's cool, he's with me."

Hopefully a little nip/tuck action will be covered on my insurance before too long.

Blood, Beer and jerks that go bump in the night

1st off, this is my maiden blog on this site. An idea I totally stole from Sara, and thanks for that.

1st posts are supposed to be memorable, no. 1st posts are supposed to be smart, no. 1st posts are supposed to be well thought out, hell no. 1st posts should set a tone for what the reader can expect from the author, YES.

I like to drink alone. It's not a depressed deal, and it doesn't mean i'm anti-social. There really is no reason for it. Some people like to masturbate in the parking lot of Radio Shack, even though everyone knows you supposed to either masturbate in the shower, bed, or on a web cam for $4.99 a minute. Some people like to hold in their emotions, when we all know that we tell our secrets to cab drivers. And me, my alternative to the accepted norm is drinking alone.

That said, i'm interested in hookers. They facinate me. I dont know any, but i sure would like to pick their brain every once in a while. I like the concept, there's an old cliche that claims you always pay for sex. Do they like what they do? Is it just easy money? Do they just really like sex, but what the hell? What happens when some really gross dude wants them, do they just think of flowers and chocolate? You may expect me to say here that i wouldn't fuck a hooker, but you'd be wrong. If your female and even semi hot, chances are i want to fuck you. I think, though, that if i were gonna spend the money i'd wanna 2fer.

Another of societies taboo's that intrests me is beastiality. That was just a joke.

So, here's tonights homework assignment: Fart in front of a stranger, look at them and giggle. Ladies call your boyfriend 'girlfriend', Men call your bitches 'hoes', Ask your mom when was the last time she went down on dad, and for god sakes tell your server at Chili's that just because she can remember your order without writting it down does not excuse her from being a bitch to the bussboy and you dont give a fuck that she's cut and wants you to pay so she can go get shitfaced you are going to sit and drink coffee with your date until you fucking feel like leaving. How about a little damn service!

And that's the last we'll ever speak of that.